


secret love song

by orphan_account



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Closeted Character, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Scared T. J. Kippen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 00:20:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19800817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Problems arise between Cyrus and TJ weeks before their two year anniversary due to a specific situation.





	secret love song

**Author's Note:**

> hi hi this is a song fic for Secret Love Song Pt. II by Little Mix <3 the lyrics aren't exactly in order because of how I wanted everything to play out! but yeah. initially I wanted this to have a sad ending but Sarah (heart-eyes-kippen on Tumblr & shipsandglitter on here) had said "spare a happy ending pls" and I lov her&her account&fics so much so this only ending happy bc she asked OK :"( 
> 
> Enjoy<3 
> 
> \- Jay xx

_We keep behind closed doors, Everytime I see you I die a little more, stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls, it'll never be enough_.

"TJ, how did you know that you wanted to be with me?" Cyrus asked out of the blue.

He was spending his Friday night at his boyfriends house, the two of them cuddled under a thick blanket on TJs couch as they watched _Love, Actually_.

TJ looked down at Cyrus, eyebrows furrowed slightly, "Whatdya mean?"

"I just.." Cyrus struggled to find the right words to use, not wanting to word something in any wrong ways, "I know for me, that seeing you go out of your way to apologize to Buffy, is really what made my feelings click for me in my mind. I just wanna know what moment that was for you?"

A look of realization crossed TJs face, and he sat up slightly causing Cyrus' head to shift off of his chest, "Honestly? I think I always just kind of... liked you. There was never a big moment of 'holy shit I like this guy' I think."

Cyrus nodded, not really knowing how to respond. He wouldn't have had the chance to, seeing as the sound of keys unlocking the front door sounded off. Almost immediately, TJ was pushing Cyrus off of him and scooting a few inches away from him, trying to make it look as if they weren't just pressed against each other. Amber, TJs older sister, walks through the door and TJ let's out a breath of relief. Cyrus felt a pang in his chest.

"Hey, lovebirds." She smiled lightly at them with a wave. Cyrus waved back, smiling weakly. "You staying over Cy?"

"Yeah-"

"Actually, I-I think I have to get going," Cyrus choked out, cutting TJ off. "Forgot I have a bunch of things I need to get done." He stood up, walking towards where his shoes were sitting by the front door, trying to slip them on as quickly as possible.

"Wait what?" TJ stood up and frowned, trying to grab ahold of Cyrus' arm before he could walk away, "we planned this on Monday, what do you mean?"

Cyrus just avoided eye contact with his boyfriend, gently pulling his arm away and shrugging. Amber stood there somewhat awkwardly, noticing the obvious tension between the younger boys. TJ was frowning while trying to catch Cyrus' eyes, and the shorter boy was clearly struggling to not cry. _What happened before I walked in?_ She thought to herself, slowly backing out and heading towards her bedroom.

"Cy?"

"Yeah, Teej?"

"Is something wrong?" TJ asked, putting his finger under Cyrus chin to raise his head up, "Why are you leaving?"

A soft sob left Cyrus' mouth, and TJ pulled him into a tight hug, rubbing his back comfortingly, "We've been together for nearly _two years_ TJ." Cyrus watched as confusion clouded his boyfriends features, "I understand that coming out is hard, but so is being some dirty secret. So, I'm sorry that my feelings are hurt, but I just- I need to go home."

"That's what this is about?" TJ asked, slightly irritated that the conversation was heading this direction, "Cyrus, you know I'm not ready."

Cyrus nodded with a strained smile, "I do know that, Teej. And I'm not saying we need to, it just.. sucks how you push me away sometimes. I love you so much, TJ."

"And I love you. You _know_ I do." Cyrus nodded at his words, "Then what's the problem?"

"The problem is that it hurts!" Cyrus snapped, "Sorry. But I just- I don't know. Sometimes, it just gets exhausting. Hiding constantly."

TJ was frowning, a look of annoyance covering his features. Cyrus knew this was a risky conversation to start up, which is why he tried leaving in the first place. It wasn't the first time they've talked about this, but each time had ended with Cyrus crying and TJ angry at him, and Cyrus couldn't _stand_ it.

"Whatever, I'm sorry I'm holding you back from things." TJ rolled his eyes.

Cyrus frowned, "That is _not_ what I said!"

"Oh yeah, sure." TJ muttered, sarcasm dripping in his voice.

Cyrus felt more tears filling his eyes, "I'm sorry you think that's what I meant. I'll see you on Monday."

As he went to walk out, TJ was pushing pulling gently on his wrist, "Baby, let me drive you. It's snowing and it's dark."

Cyrus shrugged and nodded, but didn't say anything, knowing that sobs would start to wrack up in his chest, and that was never a pretty sight.

_As you drive me to my house_  
_I can't stop these silent tears from rolling down_  
_You and I both have to hide_  
_On the outside where I can't be yours and you_  
_Can't be mine_

The drive to Cyrus' was painfully silent, tense, and awkward. TJ was humming softly to the song that was playing on the radio, and Cyrus was sat with his head leaned against the passenger side window. Tears were slowly making their way down his cheeks, and if TJ noticed it, he didn't say anything. Cyrus didn't know if that made him feel worse or not, but regardless he wasn't going to bring it up.

"You passed my house." Cyrus muttered.

"Yeah, I know." TJs words confused him, but he didn't want to start another argument, so he stayed silent waiting for his boyfriend to speak up again, "We're going to the park. We need to talk."

His words made Cyrus nervous, fearful thoughts filling his head. This conversation could go any direction, good or bad, and Cyrus was not prepared for it. "Okay..." He trailed softly, going back to staring out the window.

_But we know this, we've got a love that is homeless_

"So, what are we talking about?"

"Cyrus, don't play dumb." TJ frowned.

Cyrus' heart rate sped up at that. TJ was annoyed still, which immediately raised red flags. This was it for them wasn't it? After nearly two years together, TJ was finally tired of Cyrus. That _had_ to be it, why else would TJ be acting this way? "Wait, I-Im sorry TJ. I shouldn't have-"

"We're almost there. Be quiet, please." Cyrus snapped his mouth shut, nodding slightly.

The ride probably only took another five minutes, but with all the thoughts running through Cyrus' head, it felt like it took forever and then some. TJ wasn't showing any signs of what he was feeling anymore, whether it was his previous annoyance or a new emotion he was feelings; none of it showed. It was driving Cyrus crazy not knowing what direction this night was going.

"Cy, we're here." TJs voice drew him out of his thoughts.

They got out of TJs car and made their way towards the swings; the ones they met at when the were still in middle school. Cyrus smiled softly at the memory. There was a space between them that he didn't appreciate, but he would never force TJ to be close to him if he wasn't comfortable with it.

As the pair sat down atop of the seats, they swayed softly, the only sounds being the chains and the chattering of their teeth. "So..." Cyrus started.

"I'm not sure what's going on anymore." TJ muttered lowly, a frown etched into his features, "I understand how hard this probably is for you, Cy. I _really_ do, but I'm just not ready yet."

Cyrus felt the tears from earlier reappear in his eyes, and his breathing sped up ever so slightly, "And that is _so_ okay TJ. You should come out whenever you feel ready, it's your decision."

"Thanks," for the first time since their argument earlier, a smile had finally found its way onto TJs face, which gave Cyrus a little bit of hope. But that hope slowly faded away as he realized how pained the smile looked, "But I think that- I think. We need a small.. break."

And just like that, Cyrus felt his heart stop beating for a second. He heard blood rushing in his ears, and despite the cold beads of sweat formed at his temples, and his hands had gotten clammy as well. "You're... you're breaking up with me?"

"Not breaking up! Just." TJ took a deep breath, "Giving us both some space. We might need it."

"No!" TJ looked at Cyrus in surprise, not expecting the amount of anger his tone had held, " _You_ need space from _me_. Right? Because I love you! I don't need space. I just- I just need _you_ Teej."

As fast as Cyrus' anger had come it left, leaving behind an empty feeling of sadness. TJ wasn't saying anything, which further pushed the sadness and Cyrus' tears were showing no mercy. They were relentless, and stung his eyes and cheeks due to the cold, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"I'm sorry, Cyrus.." TJ tried to step closer, but the shorter boy just took a step back, not wanting any form of contact between the two of them, "Don't do that, please. This is just for the best right now, you need to realize that."

"Whatever, TJ." Cyrus wiped his tears into his hoodie sleeve ( _TJs_ hoodie). "I'm gonna go. Goodnight."

He walked away briskly, trying to drown out the sounds of TJ yelling for him to come back. It wasn't worth it.

_Why can't I hold you in the street?_  
_Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?_  
_I wish that it could be like that_  
_Why can't it be like that?_  
_'Cause I'm yours_  
_Why can't I say that I'm in love?_  
_I wanna shout it from the rooftops_  
_I wish that it could be like that_

When TJ had asked for space, Cyrus really hadn't expected it to last as long as it was. It had been nearly two weeks since him and TJ had hung out last, and Cyrus was beginning to lose hope that the two of them were going to work through this. He was avoiding speaking about anything with Buffy and Andi, even though they both had noticed that something was wrong. It was almost as if Cyrus had just- cut off from his emotions.

Whenever he sees TJ in the hallway, the older boy does his absolute best to just ignore him, making sure to keep his eyes anywhere /but/ on Cyrus. Who, quite frankly, was getting tired of it. He loved TJ, and he was really upset that his boyfriend(?) was giving him the cold shoulder.

Almost as if TJ could read Cyrus' thoughts, he was suddenly standing in front of where Cyrus was sat with Jonah outside of Grant. The two of them had been talking about Jonah's performance at the Red Rooster the night before, but as soon as TJ had approached their table, Jonah fell silent. Cyrus' face drained of any color and he felt a blush creep up his neck.

"Hi.." TJ rubbed at the back of neck awkwardly, "Can we uh, can we talk?" Cyrus nodded, gesturing for him to sit down. "...alone?"

Jonah, taking the hint, stood up quickly while muttering something about needing to go find Buffy.

Tension filled the air between TJ and Cyrus. Neither one of them wanted to start the conversation, both scared of it going south.

"Ugh, one of us has to start it, so I guess I will." Cyrus snapped. He felt bad almost immediately when he saw the way TJs face fell, but it didn't acknowledge it, "Are we breaking up or not?"

TJ looked up with wide, scared eyes, "D-do you want to?"

"Of course not, you dingus!" Cyrus frowned.

"Then why did you ask?" Cyrus gave him a look that seemed to ask _seriously?_ and TJ just blushed, "Right. Well. I don't want to."

Cyrus felt himself release a breath of relief, "Thank god."

It went silent for another moment before TJ broke it, "I'm sorry. For the past two weeks." His voice dropped down to a whisper, "I miss you.."

"I miss you too," Cyrus' eyes glossed over as he spoke. He bit his lip, trying to think of his next words without sounded like he was being too- demanding. "I'm sorry too, by the way. I was the one who started everything up, and I sincerely do apologize for it. I just... it really is so hard TJ. Not being able to kiss you or even just hold your _hand_ in public. I hate not being able to talk about how in _love_ with you I am, yknow? You deserve to be shown off. You're so amazing, and I love with with my whole heart. Sometimes I just wish.. that it was easier. If you understand what I mean, I don't know. I'm dumb."

TJ frowned, scooting his way over towards Cyrus, "Baby, you are _not_ dumb. I do get it, and I've been thinking about it for the past two weeks. I do want to come out Cyrus, and I want to soon. Because I don't want to lose you."

"Oh Teej," Cyrus laughed slightly as a tear streaked down his face, "you'll never lose me, okay? Never."

TJ nodded, pulling his boyfriend into a quick hug. The type of hug that would be normal for two _friends_ , but a hug nonetheless.

_I'm living for that day_  
_Someday_  
_When you hold me in the street_  
_And you kiss me on the dance floor_

"Just so you know, that when we do come out, I cannot wait to show you off to _everyone_." Cyrus smirked, "We're totally going to be that couple."

TJ laughed, grabbing Cyrus arm and pulling him up from his seat at the round table they were sat at, "let's go, babe."

_It's obvious you're meant for me_  
_Every piece of you, it just fits perfectly_  
_Every second, every thought, I'm in so deep_

Cyrus had his head laying on TJs chest, listening to his boyfriends soft breathing. The two of them were at Cyrus' taking a nap in his room, or at least trying to. TJ had no issue, but Cyrus was wide awake thinking about things. There was a random Netflix movie playing of Cyrus' TV solely used for the purpose of background noise.

In this moment, Cyrus really did feel happy and content with how things have been going between him and TJ. They finally came out to their parents, and while they weren't public yet, Cyrus still appreciated being able openly show affection for TJ without the fear of their parents catching them. Things were going so smoothly with them, and Cyrus was terrified that he would do something that would cause another bump in the road. For some reason it had felt different than it did before, in a way that they felt _closer_ almost. They've always been close, but after their fight from two months ago and coming out to their families, their bond just seems to grow bigger. TJ wasn't always so jumpy when they were hanging out anymore, which was so amazing that Cyrus couldn't explain the type of happy that it made him. It was completely bliss at the moment, and he loved every bit of it.

TJ started to stir under Cyrus, causing the other boy to shift slightly so he could look at his boyfriend. "Hey sleepyhead." Cyrus teased, poking TJs cheek as the older boy smiled up at him.

"Hi baby." TJ tilted his head up and pressed a soft kiss against Cyrus lips, who let out a soft sigh and pressed his lips a little more firmly to TJs. "Thought we were napping together?"

Cyrus giggled slightly, a blush crossing his cheeks, "I was going to, but I couldn't fall asleep."

"So you've been staring at me like a creep, huh?" TJ teased.

"Heyy," Cyrus whined and poked at TJs chest softly, "you're pretty, okay? Specially when you're sleeping." He stated like it was obvious.

TJ just laughed and pulled Cyrus into another kiss.

 _I don't wanna live love this way_  
I don't wanna hide us away  
I wonder if it ever will change  
I'm living for that day

Three weeks later, their two year anniversary had approached, and Cyrus was ecstatic about it. He had planned the cutest little date for him and TJ, which included taking him to a restaurant that was about seven miles out of Shadyside, meaning that TJ was less tense with showing affection to him in public, knowing that they were strangers to everyone around them.

"Cy, you really didn't need to go all out like this!" TJ laughed as they exited the place they had eaten. The two of them were giggling almost the entire time, having so many different conversations that they could barely remember most of what they talked about.

"Course I did, you deserve it." Cyrus smiled softly up at TJ, and much to his surprise, his boyfriend had leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss against his lips. A squeak of surprise came from Cyrus, and TJ laughed against his lips before pulling away, "ohmygod."

"Let's take a picture." TJ exclaimed, pulling his phone out of his back pocket. He looked around slightly before spotting a two women walking past them, "Excuse me! Could you take a photo of my boyfriend and I?"

Cyrus' eyes widened as he heard the words. Did TJ really just call him his boyfriend? In _public?_ Holy shit. The taller woman of the two cooed and grabbed TJs phone from him with a nod, "of course!" She held up the camera, and Cyrus felt the press of TJs lips against his cheek, a blush immediately finding its way go his face in the process. After a few pictures, the woman handed the phone back to TJ, "you guys are absolutely adorable."

"Thank you!" TJ smiled brightly, wiggling his eyebrows "it's our two year. We're celebrating."

"Oh happy anniversary!" The other woman appeared from where she was stood behind the taller one, "my girlfriend and I have been together for nearly two years as well."

Cyrus cooed at them, "Aw, that's so cute! You guys make a lovely couple."

"I have to agree," TJ smiled, "thank you for the pictures by the way. Have a lovely night you two!"

They parted ways with smiles on their faces, and TJ immediately reached for Cyrus' hand, lacing their fingers together. They walk in silence for a few short moments before TJ speaks up again, "I can't wait for you go see your present."

Cyrus perked up at that, "A present? Where is it?"

TJ held up a finger, mouthing the words 'one moment' and pulling out his phone. He spent a good five minutes typing something out, and after he was done he just smiled brightly, "Check Instagram."

Cyrus furrowed his eyebrows, but did as he was told. Going to TJs profile, his eyes grew in size as he looked at the pictures posted in a slide. There was four of them, the first one just of the two smiling, the second one was them smiling but while looking at each other. The third was Cyrus smiling at the ground with a smile, and the fourth was the first one that was taken. TJ had his lips pressed to Cyrus' cheek, the shorter boy flushed and happy.

Cyrus felt tears spring into his eyes. He looked up at TJ and covered his mouth with his hand, "TJ-"

"Read the caption, baby." Cyrus nodded, looking back down at his screen.

_Cyrus. My dear Cyrus. Two years together and still to this day, you manage to take my breath away with every kiss just like the first day we got together. I know that we really weren't public, and I sincerely apologize for that, my love. But this here,, this post right here? It's for you. It's for us. I'm not going to hide the relationship that's been making me happy for the last two years and even before then. So, happy 2 year anniversary, baby. I cannot wait for all of our future ones. I love you._

A sob escaped last Cyrus' lips. His tucked his phone in his pocket, and quite literally wrapping himself around TJ. The older boy just laughed, gripping the bottom of Cyrus' thighs to prevent him from falling down, and pressed a kiss to his lips. Slowly, Cyrus unwrapped his legs from TJs torso, planting his feet back on the ground but refusing to break the kiss until they both needed to take a breath.

"I love you more than anything, TJ Kippen."

TJ smiled at him and pressed his lips to his forehead.

"I love you more, Cyrus. Happy anniversary."

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading <3 i hope you enjoyed it x I liked writing it. 
> 
> find me on Tumblr!  
> @tippen-jippen-kippen :)


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